Neglect..

ne·glect
[ni-glekt]

- verb (used with object) 1. to disregard or fail to do
- noun 2. disregard; negligence

This is something I've been guilty of, and I feel bad for it.

I'm not just talking about my blog, but also me.

I've neglected myself.

I'm in shitestate, and I'm trying to get on.

It's proving difficult, my riding, my motivation, the whole 9 yards.

Riding

Cold
Snow.
Mud.
Great oldschool hikeabike.
Tough climbs.
Fantastic decents.
Warm hashbrowns.
Hot tea.
Great company.

#Perfectdayout..

#Bugger

Road ride ? Yup.
Corners? Yup.
Gravel on corner? Yup.
Big hole in new tights? Yup.
Bigger hole in kneecap? Yup.
Awesome? Nope.

#Bugger

Running, well, plodding...

I ran last night.

Not far, and certainly not fast.

But I ran, and I actually enjoyed it.

Not as much as I did when I was fit.

But hey.

I'll get there.

I know I will.

It takes a while for a habit to form apparently Wiki but I'm willing to give it a go.

I got lots of positive comments from people who I know, and some from people I don't really know, but, having said that the one comment stuck in my mind the most:

" Thats a great time for normal sized people like us....."

I didn't really know how to take that?

I am really that abnormaly sized??

Shit, if people that have only met me once think that, then, hell, I really, really need to sort my shit out.

Inappropriate bikes

We rode.

Infact, we smashed it.

Cannock, on a cold, bright beautiful Saturday morning.

We rode.

And I enjoyed it.

All of it.

Yes, the hills still hurt, yes, the lack of brakes, and suspension made for an inappropriate ride, but hell, we rode.

And it was great.

Great to have wonderful, fantastic people around me, who all ride for the same great reasons- because we can.

Yes, every single one of them could ride the legs off me, and yet, they didn't.

We rode.

We had cake.

We laughed

We drank coffee.

And most of all, I really, really enjoyed it all.

I guess this is why we ride?

That, and to see the look on the locals' faces as a CX went past on their favourite trails...

It's ready.

It's ready.


I just really hope I am..


It's gonna be an adventure, of that, I'm sure.


We shall see.


Saturday will come around soon enough, and then, well, the fun starts..


And my me.


I'm looking forward to it

Tomorrow, we ride

Sadly, of late, this has been my answer to the eternal question- "you riding tonight?"

Its spank, It really is, I dunno why, I really don't, but as of yet my head isn't in it.

This isn't a good place to be.

I've signed up to do #HONC in April, and I am really, really struggling to get out there and ride.

I'm also going away in April for a weekeneds Road Riding in Northumberland.. and again, I'm gonna get handed my arse on a plate.

Why, can't I do it?

I don't know, I really don't, beacuse I do know that when I'm out there, with nothing but me, and my Ipod in my ears, I love it I really do, its just, well, the getting out there.

Its easier to not ride than it is too ride sadly, theres a;ways a reason not too, and its become all to easy to answer the orgional question with Tomorrow, we ride.

This. Must. Change.

And, I know it will.

I'm just not sure when.

Training Plans

Ive never had a training plan.

Ever.

Well, thats not entirely true, the whole of my past life was one, long, reginmented training plan.

What I mean is, I've never had one for me. - To ride too,and to stick to.

I got my first one last night.

Blimey Charlie.

Really?

Despite the fact that I am desperate to get fit, I can see only one flaw in the plan, and this is why I've always failed I guess, its the amount of time I need to throw at it.

Right now, even as I type, I have other priorities that I need to throw all my time and effort into, my failing relationship, the worry of being out of a job, in other words, life.

A life, that of late,has been neglected by me.

I will stick to a plan, afterall the whole point of owning bikes is to ride the fucking things, not just sit and look at them.

Just maybe not the one I've just looked at.

No going back

So there we have it.


I did it.


And there is no going back.


I bought it, after 2hrs of pratting around with tape measures, flat pedals, and a Turbo Trainer, I did it.


I bought my new CX Frame.


Now comes the hard part. The justification, the riding, the hours I need, nay want, to spend in the saddle.


In my minds eye, this will be easier, afterall, we all know red bikes are faster.


I however fear this will not be the case.The hills will still hurt, the mud will still slow, the cranks still need the same amount of pushing.


But hey, God knows' I'm gonna give it everything I've got.


But, as with everything in life, I guess theres only one way to find out.

Indecision.

Main Entry:	indecision
Part of Speech:	noun
Definition:	hesitation
Synonyms:	doubt, indecisiveness, irresolution, uncertainty, vacillation
Notes:	indecision  describes a general state or condition, one that can characterize a body or group, whereas indecisiveness  describes an individual character trait

So there it is. Finger hovering over the "buy now" button for a shiny new CX frame, and all of a sudden, a feeling of guilt comes creeping over, like the black cloud I'm so depeerate to escape from.


Can I justify it?
Can I ride it?
Will I just look like a complete dick, that clearly has all the gear and no idea?


Afterall, I'm not a cyclist.


I dunno, but I guess there is only one way to find out.


I can justify it.
I know I'll ride it,
I also know that I will look a dick riding it.


However the last quality is the hurdle I'm trying to get over, and slowy, I will.


Its not gonna happen overnight, and god knows If someone would drag me out then I would find it a whole heap easier, but, there is no-one, there is me. Only me.

I wish I was a cyclist

Sadly tho' I'm not.

Not even remotely like one, I own a bike, infact, I own several, but there, the similarity ends.

Cyclist don't have body fat.

I do.

Cyclists do not understand the comprehension of looking for XXL clothing.

I do. 

Cyclists have a chest measuremnt, that I'd kill to have as a waist measurement.

I've been lucky enough to ride with some truely great people, people who write magazines, people who teach bike skills, that make downhill look effortless, people who go on cycling adventures, that I can't even comprehend.

Like I say, some truely great, great people.

And then, there's me.

At the back, always, some 200 yards off the pace... never quite fitting in, never quite keeping up, but there, and tolerated.

Now the whole point of this is not to wallow in self-pity, not at all,far from it, infact,  I thought I'd write this to motivate myself to get out there and ride.

Lots.

And  lots.

In the vague hope that someday, I may become a cyclist.

Just to clarify,

A) I don't have Asthma, and no, this isn't set out to belittle the condition, nor is it going to take the piss out of anyone who suffers from it.

B) I'm not an Ant.

The phrase came from Blackadder, who described their rate of advance as that as of "an asthmatic Ant wih a load of heavy shopping..."

Sadly, this sums up my progress in my aim to become a Cyclist..